Love You Promised Me

January 28, 2009 ellewhitaker

It’s been such a long time since I last posted anything. I don’t know if that was because I was just too busy or if I just couldn’t get into the mood to bear my heart. I’ve been having a really rough time dealing with stress right now. Everything seems to be snowballing and I’m afraid of when and where it will all come out. I’ve been crying a lot more than usual too. Walking into the Drill Team locker room after lunch some days I just sit there and cry, and most of the times for reasons I can’t even explain. My heart is heavy and so is my spirit. I find myself in a constant state of prayer, and nothing really seems to be helping. It’s so hard to remind myself to pray as much as possible, that it’s becoming more of a chore than a joy.

Update:  Jan. 27
We’re reading Paradise Lost in English now, and I can’t even explain how much this quote just helped! Funny thing is, the quote is from Sin, personified, talking to Satan, but I can’t even begin to explain how much this seems to emotionally stable me right now. I’ve been going through a lot with being really sick lately, and it’s refreshing to read this.

“Thou art my father, thou art my author, thou
 My being gav’st me; whom should I obey
 But thee? whom follow? thou wilt bring me  soon
 To that new world of light and bliss, “

~Paradise Lost, Milton, Book II, (864-867)

After reading this I felt so comforted and at ease, and I think God really just gave me a huge emotional and spiritual boost that I’ve definitely been seeking lately. I understand that we might often seek for God in the Bible, and through His Word, His voice should be most prominent, but the way this passage spoke to me, even if it wasn’t intended to remind us of our relationship to God, it really inspired me. I don’t have to get upset because reading the Bible sometimes feels like a chore because I can find God everywhere, and naturally it wouldn’t make sense to truly find God when I’m not whole hearted-ly seeking Him.

It’s amazing how quickly God can change our dispositions, when one minute stress and a heaviness of the soul can become almost too overbearing, and the next minute you feel light and free. Thus the power of God, truly truly, Amen, Amen.

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